Domestic Violence

If you no longer feel safe living in your current home, you may want to find another place to live. Are there friends or family members with whom you could safely stay for a while? Would your abuser look for you there or harass you or your host? Could you go to a domestic violence shelter?

Domestic violence shelters are safe houses at undisclosed locations, where abused women and their children can find refuge for a period of time. A mother and her children would share a bedroom. The residents share housework and cooking. Food is provided. If a woman does not have income, the Department of Social Services can cover the cost. If a woman is working, has childcare, and it's safe for her to continue to work, she will contribute to the cost of her stay. Undocumented women can receive help too.

In Westchester County, there are 49 beds in the shelters for victims of domestic violence. If no beds are available in Westchester, you can seek shelter in another county or call the Department of Social Services Emergency Services at (914) 995-2099 and they will find a place for you to stay.

Protect your pets
Many times women are afraid to leave home for fear their abusers will harm or hold family pets hostage. Local veterinarians who understand domestic violence may board your pet in an emergency for free. Check ahead of time so you are prepared in an emergency. Try to use someone unknown by your abuser.

Secure your living space
Ask the courts, phone and utility companies, the Department of Motor Vehicles, schools and your workplace to keep your address confidential. Other things you can do to keep your living space safe are:

• Change your locks and make sure your abuser does not get a key
• Replace flimsy doors with secure ones
• Install security systems: alarms, extra locks and window locks and bars
• Keep a "fire ladder" handy for escape or have a rope or sheets to tie together
• Have your mail sent to a Post Office box, a commercial mail drop or a different address

If your abuser has injured you, by all means try to get medical help. If your abuser goes with you to the doctor or emergency room, it may not be safe to tell the truth about what happened. But, try to find an opportunity to speak to the medical practitioner alone and where your abuser will not hear. Let the medical practitioner know what happened to you and see if it can be safely included in the medical record.

If it is safe and possible to do so, ask the medical practitioner to photograph your injuries, and to keep any evidence such as torn or bloody clothing with the medical record.

Be aware that if you see a doctor and your medical insurance policy is in your abuser's name - both your medical records and the fact that you've seen a doctor may be provided to your abuser. Discuss this with a domestic violence service provider.

If you do not need, or want, to go to an emergency room or doctor, have a friend photograph any bruises or cuts. Date the photograph and hide it in a safe place.

When in doubt, get out.

Call 911 for police protection and medical help. If you are calling from a cell phone, you must tell the dispatcher your street address.

What the police can do
The police must:

• Make an arrest if they have reason to believe a crime has been committed. The police should arrest only the primary physical aggressor. An arrest doesn't necessarily mean the abuser will go to jail, so you may want to go to a safe place.
• Complete a domestic incident report. Be sure you read and agree with the report before you sign it. They should give you a copy.

The police can also:

• Help you get to a safe place away from the violence.
• Help you get medical attention for injuries sustained.
• Help you get necessary belongings from your home as you leave. Later, with an Order of Protection, you can go back with a police escort for other things.

What the courts can do
If you have been the victim of a domestic violence offense, you can go to court for an Order of Protection.

An "Order of Protection," sometimes called a "Restraining Order," is an order from either the Family, Criminal, or Supreme Court that orders an abuser to stop committing offenses against you. You have the right to request the court include your children.

Find out in advance how the courts work. Very briefly:

• The purpose of Family Court is to end the violence.
• The purpose of Criminal Court is to punish an abuser.
• The purpose of Supreme Court is to obtain a divorce and divide marital property.

Even if there is a case against your abuser in Criminal Court, you can still go to Family Court. You can choose Family Court if the person who harmed or threatened you is:

• Someone you married or divorced
• The parent of your child
• Related to you by blood - parent, sibling, child

You can go to Criminal Court no matter what the relationship is between you and your abuser. If you are already in the process of divorce in Supreme Court, your Supreme Court Justice can issue you an order of protection.

Family Court
This is a civil court and can issue Orders of Protection. Family Court also deals with custody, support, and visitation. Initially the Family Court issues a Temporary Order of Protection. The Order becomes effective only when it is served to the abuser by the police or anyone over the age of 18. You cannot serve the order. Then, a date is set for you and your abuser to return to court. If your abuser admits to the allegations, or consents to abide by the Temporary Order, it will become "permanent." If your abuser denies the allegations, a date will be set for a "fact finding hearing" which is like a trial. If the court finds that your abuser did what you said, your order of protection will be made "permanent."

"Permanent" doesn't mean that the Order of Protection will last forever. "Permanent" usually means that the order will last for a fixed amount of time, usually three to five years.

There are three Family Courts: New Rochelle, White Plains and Yonkers. Those in White Plains and Yonkers have Family Court Legal Programs staffed by lawyers and advocates to help women who are abused by their partners. They can help you understand your legal options, prepare your petition and accompany you to court (Phone numbers on back page.)

Criminal Court
If the District Attorney brings a criminal case against your abuser on the basis of a police report (called a Domestic Incident Report or "DIR" or a criminal complaint) describing violence against you, you may receive a Temporary Order of Protection from the court. It will come by mail. If you do not receive one, or if you want to find out the status of the case against your abuser, call the Domestic Violence and Child Abuse Bureau in the Special Prosecution Division of the Westchester County District Attorney's Office. (Phone numbers on back page.)

If your abuser is convicted of the offense against you, the Temporary Order of Protection can be made "Permanent." (Again, "Permanent" does not mean "forever.") Your abuser will have a criminal record.

• Even if a criminal case has been brought against your abuser, you can still go to Family Court if you are eligible. You can have a case in both courts.
• A violation of an Order of Protection from either court is a new offense and could be punished by time in jail.
• The person who is protected by an Order of Protection cannot violate it -- only the abuser can violate it.

Orders of Protection
An Order of Protection can be tailored to meet your needs. Most of them order the abuser not to "harass, assault, or threaten" you. Depending on the seriousness of the offense, they may also order the abuser to:

• Leave and stay away from the place you (or your children) live, work, or go to school
• Remove personal belonging with a police escort
• Have no communication with you and/or your children, including by any third party or electronic means
  visit with your children through supervised visitation.
• Pick-up children for visitation only in a safe public place: a restaurant, community center or police station
• Pay child support for his children
• Cover costs of medical treatment for injuries resulting from the abuse
• Pay your attorney's fees
• Surrender any and all guns, and suspend and/or revoke licenses to own them
• Attend classes for batterers and if appropriate, treatment for drugs and/or alcohol abuse
• Refrain from endangering the health, safety or welfare of child

The Family Court can also grant you temporary custody of your children. If you are no longer living with your abuser, you can request that the court keep your present address confidential.

Please remember - an Order of Protection is only as effective as three things:

• Your ability to call 911 in an emergency
• How fast the police will respond
• Your abuser's respect for (and fear of) the law and police 

There can be many reasons for not leaving an abusive partner:

• You want your children to have a father
• You don't want to lose your home
• You don't want your children to change schools
• You can't support yourself and your children
• You're undocumented and you don't want to risk being deported
• You don't want to shame yourself, your partner, or family
• You're afraid of being alone
• You love your partner -- and other reasons only you know
• You are afraid to lose custody of your children
• It is against your religious beliefs

All of these are real considerations. You are the only one who knows how dangerous the abuse against you is. You are the only one who can judge when the pain or danger is too much and outweighs your reasons for staying.

When thinking about staying or leaving, ask yourself:

• Are my reasons for staying so important that it's worth it to stay and take the risk of being beaten or killed?
• Am I less likely to be hurt or killed if I stay, or if I leave?
• What is the abuse doing to my children and their future relationships?
• Where and what do I want to be in five years?
• What course of action is most likely to get me there?

You might not like any of the choices you have, but you do have choices. If you have thought about what is most important to you, you are more likely to choose well in a crisis.