Deciding to Leave or Stay
Deciding to Leave or Stay
There can be many reasons for not leaving an abusive partner.
- You want your children to have a father
- You don't want to lose your home
- You don't want your children to change schools
- You can't support yourself and your children
- You're undocumented and you don't want to risk being deported
- You don't want to shame yourself, your partner, or family
- You're afraid of being alone
- You love your partner -- and other reasons only you know
- You are afraid to lose custody of your children
- It is against your religious beliefs
All of these are real considerations. You are the only one who knows how dangerous the abuse against you is. You are the only one who can judge when the pain or danger is too much and outweighs your reasons for staying.
When thinking about staying or leaving, ask yourself:
- Are my reasons for staying so important that it's worth it to stay and take the risk of being beaten or killed?
- Am I less likely to be hurt or killed if I stay, or if I leave?
- What is the abuse doing to my children and their future relationships?
- Where and what do I want to be in five years?
- What course of action is most likely to get me there?
You might not like any of the choices you have, but you do have choices. If you have thought about what is most important to you, you are more likely to choose well in a crisis.